An Introduction to Vetting – How I Do What I Do

Perceptions from a Daddy Dom

Perceptions from a Daddy Dom are essays, instruction pieces, and sometimes rants. I write and even text, like I talk in real life and I speak from the heart. I offer my opinions and insights that I have gained from fifteen years of experience and through trial and error. If I offer insight, it is from the mindset of my Dominant philosophy, which is primarily that of Daddy Dom. I use the pronouns I am comfortable with, but please swap your pronouns where you feel comfortable. The lifestyle welcomes all of you. Welcome to Wonderland.

For many of us, finding what we want locally isn’t going to happen. So, instead of being stuck in shallow, unhappy little stream, we go out and cast our net wide hoping to attract what we want. Notice I said attract and not ensnare. This was done for two reasons. One, from a purely Gentleman Dom perspective, it’s a matter of ethics. We don’t ensnare prospective subs. Well, not outside of the bedroom anyways. Two, despite all of our posturing, chest puffing, smooth words and charismatic presence the sub choses us. We can vet and cover all the bases, but in the end, the submissive will chose to submit or not. The following is written under the assumption that you’re participating in online communities. Also, I’m not going to cover what questions you should ask while vetting a prospective sub. There are tons of articles out there for you to look at. While you’re reading them, I’d also suggest you look at some red flag discussions/articles.

Yay! You made it this far. Here we go!

Number one: Don’t announce you’re looking. Don’t post an ad in seeking thread. If given the opportunity to make an introduction, do so. State that your relationship status (single, poly, what have you), detail your Dominant style and tendencies, list your interests (but keep it brief) and leave it alone. Why don’t you want to announce you’re looking? Does the wolf announce he’s on the prowl for prey? No. He slinks through the woods alert and watching.

Pay attention to everything. Watch your groups/boards. Pay attention to the single women and the ones advertising they’re looking. Okay, you see the overly sexual one? She’s on your permanent ignore list now. No, no. I know she’s coming off as seemingly attractive, but there’s some things you’re missing. First of all, she’s demonstrating overt attention seeking behavior. There’s a plethora of reasons why a woman would be doing that, and we’re not going to go into the psychology of it today, but if you’re wanting something serious, she’s not for you. Ignore any woman that’s immediately sexual out of the gate. Any self-respecting woman is going to be slow to show that side to you, now there are some exceptions, sure, but overt attention seeking behavior should be a huge red flag.

While you’re paying attention watch how people interact with each other. Watch how they talk. How they articulate themselves. What topics they choose reply to. What interests them? How do they talk about it? You can learn a lot just by sitting back and watching. And by all means interact. Let them get to know you too. Be playful and fun, but be respectful.

Be honest. It’s pretty fucking absurd that I even have to say that, but there it is. Don’t try and sell yourself to be something you’re not. If you’re a top, be proud in who you are. Not everyone is a Dom and that’s okay. Labels here matter. Be true to who you are. Here’s a big tip: write how you talk. The end goal is to be talking to someone more and exclusively, right? Be yourself. By writing how you talk you convey your personality and even your thought process. In being honest and writing how you talk, you create transparency. You create an atmosphere where people can get to know you and in so doing, she will feel comfortable being herself with you.

So you’re watching. Yeah, it sounds kind of creepy, but you’re also interacting with your chosen communities. You’re learning about your environment and prospective subs and they’re learning about you. Watch consistently and for a while before you make you move. My previous subs didn’t even know I had started the vetting process with her when approached her. We’d been taking over a month before I announced my intentions to her.

Before you announce your intentions, look her up. Search her name in your mutual groups. You’re looking for a few things. Obviously, red flag behavior; in addition, you’re going to be looking at her history of demonstrated online behavior. Yes, how she acts in private is going to be slightly different, but you’re looking for inconsistencies. You’re also looking for how often, if it all she relationship hops.

Once you make your announcement of intent to her she’ll either accept or reject your offer. If she accepts, have fun and take your time getting to know her better. Vetting should take a some time. You want to get to know them intimately. Learn what makes them tick, If she rejects your offer, don’t be rude. She’s going to tell everyone if you are. Instead, be the gentleman we both you can be, and we she speaks of you again, it only serves you better in the end.

Pay attention. Be yourself. Have fun.