Thoughts on Submission and My Needs
Today’s questions: Describe what you are looking for in a submissive and the techniques you might use to instill those characteristics in your submissive. Are you exclusively Dominant in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you Dominant only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you Dominant to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
As a precursor: I am not seeking. I want to throw this out there now. I am currently vetting and entering consideration with an amazing submissive.
So what do I consider submission to be? It is an exchange of power from the submissive to the Dominant. First and foremost it is a not a gift given. You cannot demand submission from an unwilling participant. It is gained through respect, loyalty and trust. It is not something that should be given without caution and without first knowing who you’re giving it to. Submission is exchanged for your Dominance. Gifts cannot be taken back and should not have strings. Her submission, just like my Dominance, can be revoked. What? You need to know somebody first? You’re goddamn right you do. What we explore can be dangerous to both your mental well-being as well as your physical health. The limits we explore and push can be triggers, can release deep-seated feelings, passions, fears and even regret. As such, they should be explored cautiously and not without great consideration. A good Dominant will have done adequate research beforehand and prepared appropriate aftercare, but this is a topic we will discuss soon and on a different day.
As to what I look for in a submissive, we must first go over my needs and what I look for in a woman. Why, do you ask? I’ve reached a state in my life that I no longer look for play partners or friends with benefits. It’s against my needs and wants and I refuse to participate in the current hook-up generation and mentality. Now, that’s not saying that I haven’t sowed my wild oats. Anyone that knows me closely knows of the adventures of my early twenties. So, beginning with the woman: I need a baseline attraction. Usually, it starts with the face. All women, I have come to learn have a feature or characteristic that I can find myself attracted to, but for this discussion, we’ll assume she has a pretty face. After all, most of us see with our eyes. Without a baseline attraction, nothing more can happen. This isn’t being shallow, this is having my aesthetic needs met. I would not expect to get far into the vetting process without having met her aesthetic needs, so it’s only natural. So, let’s say she has an amazing smile and bright eyes. What man can turn down a woman with great eyes and a knee-weakening smile? From there, I want to devour her personality. I will take time getting to know her. This process can take time, in the lifestyle this is part of vetting. I want to know how she thinks, why she thinks the way she does, what makes her smile and what raises her ire. I want to know every intimate detail of what makes her tick and in taking the time to do so will further enable me as a Dominant to satiate and satisfy her mental needs later.
Why the focus on personality? Because of what I want. I am looking for something lasting, hoping for something that turns into forever. Here’s a hard fact of life many people today don’t consider: we’re going to get old. We’re going to go grey. Parts of us are going to sag. We’re going to wrinkle and get wrinkles on those wrinkles. And as we age, I will remember the young and vibrant woman I fell in love with and hold on to those memories as I push her in her wheelchair. A good personality then, will age like a good whiskey or wine. As it ages, she will develop a broader depth of character, a deeper taste and maybe even acquire new notes of flavor. A bad personality will sour and turn bitter. Like an old vinegar hidden and away and forgotten about in the cupboard that nobody wants to touch.
After the personality, it’s all about characteristics, interests and thought processes. If you need directions on how to date, I suggest you look elsewhere for now. This isn’t going to be apart of this conversation or the 30 Days of Dominance discussion and not a planned essay for Perceptions. To reinforce positive behavior there are several techniques one can use to instill the desired characteristics in your submissive. Personally, I am a big fan of corrective behavior incentives. Now, that’s not to say that every woman has a behavior that needs to be corrected, let alone that I don’t have one that might be need to be adjusted. It’s an inevitability when trying to take two individuals and have them live in a healthy coexistence. As to corrective behavior incentives, I discovered and immediately fell in love with the idea of a goody bag from a discussion with another Dominant. The goody bag method, as outlined, are separate bags filled with gifts and surprises that your submissive wants. Fill them up over time. She doesn’t know what’s in any of the gift bags. Once a milestone is reached in the course of the behavior collection, she’s allowed to pick one of the two bags. Bloody brilliant.
As to the type of submissive I’m looking for, I’d have to say I’m open to just about anything outside of a slave. I have no desire to be a Master. My ideal sub would be an amalgamation of the following submissive archetypes: service submissive, little, SAM (smart-ass masochist), “My Daddy is God”, and romantic. I’m not going to take the time to define the archetypes. With experience and or research, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Further building upon my type of Dominant, I do consider myself to be a Daddy Dominant with primal, pleasure Dom and definite sadist tendencies and philosophy. I would ideally like a 24/7 lifestyle once I find my submissive. I strive for Dominance in my daily life and strive for confidence in all things. If there’s something I don’t know, and I’ll be the first to admit it, I often throw myself into research learning all that I can. This applies to both kink and non-kinky interests. I personally expect the best out of myself and do not accept less.