Perceptions from a Daddy Dom
Perceptions from a Daddy Dom are essays, instruction pieces, and sometimes rants. I write and even text, like I talk in real life and I’m here today speaking from the heart. I offer my opinions and insights that I have gained from fifteen years of experience and through trial and error. If I offer insight, it is from the mindset of my Dominant philosophy, which is primarily that of Daddy Dom. I use the pronouns I am comfortable with, but please swap your pronouns where you feel comfortable. The lifestyle welcomes all of you. Welcome to Wonderland.
Recently, I have seen been an influx of complaints about bad Daddies and there are even a few of you here today that don’t know what a good Daddy Dom looks like. I would like to paint that picture for you today. Now, for every dynamic some things will change. Undoubtedly what works for one, will not work for another. The lifestyle we find ourselves in is very much a la carte. Take from the buffet what you will and discard the rest. Nobody will, or at least should, judge what you’re doing provided you’re at least following the tenets of SSC.
For the newcomers, safe, sane and consensual (SSC) is the safety mantra of everything we do in the realm of BDSM. Safe is to secure from harm, danger or risk. Safe includes doing your homework. Reading up on all the risk factors of whatever you’re into, having discussions and dialog regarding them and being informed. Sane is to be in a clear and healthy mind when engaging in play. All players should be responsible and practice sound judgment. If you cannot maintain control of yourself, you should not be engaging in a situation where total power exchange is a key part of the play at hand. Consensual refers to the mandate that you must have and have given informed consent. It’s about honoring the safeword and knowing when consent has been given and stopping when consent is revoked. Safe, sane and consensual is the bare minimum approach we should be taking when talking about and discussing boundaries of consent for kink. This is just a brief top down view on SSC and many excellent discussions and articles have been had on the subject. Please, take your time to do your homework. There are other safety philosophies like RACK and PRICK, but those are discussions for another day, but at the bare minimum, we should all be engaging in SSC.
When you think of just the word and the power of the intent, what does Daddy mean for you? Take a moment and think about it. Tell me what it means to you in the comments. First and foremost, Daddy is an honorific that is earned. It should be a huge red flag when anyone demands to be called Daddy out of the gate. You cannot demand honorifics. You cannot demand submission. These are gained and given once earned. They are to be treasured and you are a fool to squander what is exchanged. Daddy is safe. He should be love. He should be caring and thoughtful. He is a protector and warrior. He can be soft and he is fierce.
Daddies should be mentors, teachers and guides. We take an interest in what interests her. Her world becomes our world, just as much as our world becomes hers. We should foster and cultivate her interests and hobbies. Motivate and help her drive to succeed. You should be in every sense possible, her number one fan. Daddies should show her new things that run parallel to her interests. Take her places she’s never been, both physically and mentally. Be like Aladdin. Show her a whole new world.
Daddies are protectors, confidants and anchors. Daddies should in all things, be her safe place. Her calm in the storm. She should feel safe enough to tell you anything and you should be the unyielding, unmovable anchor. She should be able to find her Daddy resolute and firm and she can hold onto him, even if she’s blinded by her own tears. Daddy, for me, is the one place where no matter what is going on in her world, she can feel safe, loved and secure. In me, she finds safe harbor from the storm, because Daddy is bigger than the storm. A Daddy will pick his little one up, put her safely on the shore, take his belt off and beat the fuck out of that storm and then pick her back up and carry her home, all the while whispering to her that it’s going to be okay.
Daddies are disciplinaries. We provide structure and solace to her chaotic world. Daddies should provide structure and rules all designed to support and uplift their little. That’s where more of the caregiving comes in. As a Daddy, in my personal opinion, the rules and contract should never be written in a manner that sets up your sub/little to fail. This isn’t a game of gotcha. Rules will vary for littles greatly. Some littles are good girls and need a strict set of rules and structure set in place for them to succeed and thrive. Rules for the bratty ones, should be written with the fluidity to twist and bend. Give her the room she needs to get those funishements. The rules that matter to you and her should be ironclad. If they’re not, she’ll find the loophole and that’s okay too. Renegotiate. Make sure you’re providing the guidance and structure she needs.
It has been said that a top is for tonight, a Dominant is for a long as she is submissive, a Master is there until she is no longer a slave, but Daddy is forever. In my dynamic, I am fluid in my Dominance. I have dabbled in one or more approaches to Dominance through my adventures in Wonderland and I have always adjusted my philosophy to match her needs, provided mine are being met as well. When I discovered DDlg, it was like a breath of fresh air. I had finally found my home. Daddies can approach their dynamics with a soft or strict style. Each of us is different. I personally try to balance both. It is up to you as the little/middle/babygirl to decide what you need and to be vocal in your needs. It’s okay to tell us when you need something. If your Daddy is anything like me, I’ve got an ADD squirrel brain and sometimes the shiny thing in the distance grabbed my attention longer than it should have. It is what it is. Some Daddies are sadists, such as myself, and some aren’t. Just like some of you littles are masochists and some of you aren’t. It’s okay. We all have a puzzle piece that fits our needs.
Good Daddies are patient and kind. The rest of the world can burn as far as I’m concerned, but when it comes to my girl, I will always endeavor to be her shelter. If anything you experience is contrary to what’s been listed above in loose terms, I would urge caution and wager he’s not a Daddy. Daddies build up and love, we do not use, tear down or neglect. Outside of the realm of sadomasochism, it is against our very nature to intentionally harm our girl.
For me, being a Daddy Dom is everything I’ve mentioned above. I find fulfillment beyond anything I can ever put in words in providing the structure she craves. I am her shelter. With me, she can just be with no judgment. She can take her time. She can breathe. She can find peace. She finds home. I strive to be all these things for her, just as she provides the same things for me. She is my peace. She is my solace. The world sees my warrior, she sees the world weary traveler. With her, I can breathe. It is in this duality we provide each other with what we both need. I am the fire that warms her and she is the water that cools me.
The Wolf in the Night Sky 
Wow, would that the world was made up of men who think the way you do. We would all be in a much better place. I don’t call my man Daddy, but he is my Bear. He is my safe place, my trust, my go to when things have gone haywire and even when they haven’t. He is my discipline and guidance. For him I am the woman who will test him, stretch his limits, be the unbending feral cat he needs to tame, wild and wilful with a soft vulnerable centre that only he is privy to, and he cherishes that prize. We feed each other equally and the balance is right.
Your post made me prouder of my Bear than I am usually, because, Daddy or not, he’s doing it right which means together we are doing it right. 🙂
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I’m glad you have this in your Bear. My bunny calls me Daddy and Wolf, and a some other adorable pet names that I shall leave between us. I completely understand.
It is my hope that through my work, I can help people find what they need or to enable them in knowing what they’re looking for. Most of what I plan here are essays like this one with the occasional thought exercise like the 30 Days of Dominance.
In regards to Daddy is God, this can’t be taught though. As a Dominant you either have this or you don’t, at least, in my experience. This is both a love letter to my bunny and to all the unowned pets, littles and subs. This, if this is what you’re looking for in a Dom, is a good outline of what you should be looking for. Don’t undervalue your submission. It’s truly a treasure worth earning.
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I understand what you mean by either have it or don’t. Dominance in a weak man transfers into bullishness and arrogance. In an Alpha it is a natural state of mind, present company being a prime example. I said in a different comment you ooze dominance, this is true and it is something that is inherent in you, not something you have to think about before hand.
I have met many beta males or alpha wannabe’s who behaved in an overbearing manner and considered themselves alpha/dominant. My reaction to them is always the same, disdain.
So many of us fail to recognise the difference between the types until we are being hurt by them. Your post is a study in how a man naturally behaves towards his sub/little/pet and many could learn from it.
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“So many of us fail to recognize the difference between the types until we are being hurt by them.”
One of my most vocal supporters is a sub I was in guardianship of. One of the things she said still to this day flatters and humbles me so much, she told me that I restored her faith in good men. She went on to say, “I’m still surprised by it though, I honestly didn’t think men still did things like that. He isn’t like anyone I have met before.”
She is one of the many reasons why I came back to my writing. She was hurt and abused by a wanna be Dom and if I can help one person avoid that trauma, I have done a good thing.
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In our intimate moments, I generally use the term ‘Sir.’ I’m not an obvious sub, most people who know me or even my readers wouldn’t guess it from my demeanour but I talk about it regularly. My husband once told me that he sometimes thought of our journey like the ‘How to Train Your Dragon,’ film. He said that I was a fierce and beautiful creature, but one that needed guidance and stability to sustain itself without burning out. He caught me, subdued me, trained me, and now I’m still that same creature, but I willingly submit to him, because he has made me the best possible version of myself. Todays society has convinced us that Alpha men are toxic and that women need to be solitary and completely independent. I’m so glad I haven’t been robbed of the experience I’ve had with my husband, like so many women who subscribe to these notions.
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Good, strong men are still out there. We just went into hiding. It’s not worth being attacked everyday. It’s not worth being told we’re toxic and unwanted. We know our value and we’ll hold out until we find someone who appreciates it.
I’m beyond thankful that something as silly as a misclick led me to my bunny. I had resolved to not even look until probably the following summer, taking the time to continue to self reflect and work on bettering myself. And then comes along this little ball of moonlight and secret joy and she completely halted all foolish notions of wanting to stay alone.
Life is funny that way, I suppose. I’m glad I took a chance.
A good Dom, in my opinion, doesn’t seek to change his submissive. Like a sculptor, he sees the real beauty within and helps his sub find her true self that’s been locked in her marble casing. I really like the ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ analogy. It’s perfect.
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