30 Days of Dominance: Day 6

Origins of Dominance

Today’s discussion questions: What do you feel are the roots of your Dominance? Do you think it has something to do with childhood, upbringing or parental example? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

I was three and it was almost Christmas. My mother and I were in a tiny apartment living room and we were sitting on an old couch. There was the tiniest, saddest, excuse of a Charlie Brown Christmas style Christmas tree sitting on our old wooden console tv. Mom was crying. Sobbing uncontrollably. My poor excuse of a father had just left her and as a waitress in Small Town, USA she couldn’t afford Christmas that year. I was three. I was three and at that young age, even then I was attempting to provide solace and peace. That memory has ingrained itself into every part of who I am. It, along with many others, shaped me into who I am today. I remember that poor woman, my mother, weeping, the sorrow emanating from her in waves. Even as a young child I realized I would never yield control like to another and I resolved that anyone I loved or cared for would not ever hurt in that way through my actions.

Stepping into the role as the “man” of the house, I did my best to take care of my mother and little brother, as best as any three year old can. When my stepfather came around, I learned how to be a man from him. I learned how to take my white hot anger and forge it into the reins that I would later use in life to exercise control over my daily life. I learned romance. How a man should treat his lady love. And one of the most valuable lessons I learned from him, though it would take years to manifest fully, was loving patience.

Growing up, I was raised to be a classic Southern gentleman. Now, not all of it rubbed off, but the finer points did. I still use sir and ma’am. I open doors and pull out chairs for women sitting. While not all the lessons stuck, I think those lessons combined with my strict moral upbringing added to the need to remain in control. In today’s socio-political climate, how I was raised would surely be considered toxic, but I cannot see it that way. I refuse. A man should value his woman. 

I do firmly believe the D/s relationships and D/s dating are not only more intimate, but easier to maintain. A healthy D/s relationship has roles that are clearly defined. There are clear rules and punishments for breaking those rules. For those that crave and need structure and those that crave and need to provide structure, it’s one giant wet dream made manifest. Accordingly, domestic discipline then becomes a conscious lifestyle choice and not a relationship management tool.

There is a sexual thrill to D/s that we all know and love, but that’s not all there is to it. As a Dom, I crave her. All of her. I need to possess her mind and body. Yes, the sex is amazing, but it’s just a part of the bigger image. I know I am doing a good job as a Daddy Dom once I can start anticipating her needs before she actualizes them. The sex will follow. It is said, “Dominate her mind and the body will follow” and from experience, I can fervently validate that statement. Sex and the dynamic will become interwoven, a beautiful complex tapestry. As Molly and Devon said in “Screw the Roses,” it’s sexual magic.

4 thoughts on “30 Days of Dominance: Day 6

  1. It’s interesting how the same fires forge different beings. My upbringing was very tumultuous- my mother was an alcoholic and she pushed my father out of our house, leaving me to fend for myself and little sister at age 5. I grew up fiercely independent and rejected authority of any kind. When I met my husband, it was a real labour of love on his part. I liked him, in fact I was drawn to him in ways I didn’t understand, but I instinctively fought his dominance, and he got burned more times than he should have, yet he still stuck with me. I realised that I didn’t hate authority, I actually craved someone to care for me, but I was too scared to admit it. Now I’m a happily married submissive wife, with a beautiful son and incredibly high standards for myself as a mother. I think struggling in childhood has the potential to produce the most passionate and caring human beings, because we understand the true value of love, and what it means to be blessed with it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Steel is forged in fire. It is beaten and struck repeatedly before it’s plunged back into the molten fire. The fire gives it flexibility and the blows give it strength. Fire and savage brute strength forge one the strongest metals we still use today. We were forged through similar trials and heartaches.

      I’m glad you’ve found your happy place. I most certainly have found mine. While our relationship is still yet young, bunny compliments me in ways I never even though of. She is fully the yin to my yang.

      Liked by 1 person

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