30 Days of Dominance: Day 7

Thoughts on Punishment and the Mindfuck

Today’s discussion questions: Do you inflict discipline or punishment as part of your Dominance? Why or why not? How do you feel about discipline and punishment as tools used to invoke and maintain submission from your partner/s?

I have a dark sadistic streak. Outside of my hard limits, of which there are a few, there is absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do for my sub. Whatever she wants to explore, we’ll explore it. If I don’t know about a particular subject, I will research it, ask questions, research it some more (hopefully find some videos), ask more questions and then test it on myself. I have never performed a punishment or a scene without first testing it on myself first, when I can. I can’t I’ll go find those with first hand knowledge and ask even more questions. The week I experimented with caning I limped for two days because I swung too hard on my calf. When learning how to use candle wax, before I was even aware there are candles made for kinky play in mind, I left more than a few blisters on my forearm and thigh. I will never put my sub in harm’s way by making uninformed and unresearched decisions. Starting out, it behooves the learning Dom to learn how to do this. Read everything you can. Take notes. Absorb as much as you can. Go back and reread stuff that interests you. Find a mentor. This new age bullshit trend of not experimenting on yourself is going to wind up hurting the very person you were meant to protect. As a Dom, I have to ask you if you’re top inclined or an inquiring Dominant in the making, how is hurting the one you were supposed to protect due to negligence acceptable?

Punishment and discipline are necessary for me to be an effective Daddy Dom. I expect certain behavior from my submissive and expect certain rules to be followed. Once the rules of protocol and contract are negotiated and expected behaviors have been discussed, and the punishments kinks and rules have been outlined and agreed to, I allow for a brief adjustment period. It is safe to assume for you my reader, that at this point my submissive and I have already been vetting (we’ve actually moved onto consideration now) for a while and that this is a dynamic now that has been slowly introduced through vetting. As much as my submissive craves the security and structure I provide, I too need its rules and guidelines. I am shackled to her just as much as she is to me. Without the structure, again for me, the relationship is less vibrant.

I love the toys. I mean who doesn’t love toys? We go from GI Joes and Hot Wheels to trucks, guns and tattoos, well, at least I did. From canes and floggers to restraint systems and bondage furniture, I love the toys. When someone told me you can search BDSM on Etsy. I lost half a day. Etsy doesn’t know whether to suggest a custom painted Jack Skellington portrait that’s a take on Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” or custom made oak spanking spanking bench with a nice leather padded seat. But toys, ladies and gentlemen, are only half the fun. And we all know or should know about punishments. We’ve either read about them or researched them to our little sadist or masochist heart’s content. Too often do we forget about the mightiest tool in our arsenal of Domination (Arsenal of Domination… sounds fun right?) and that’s the mindfuck. I have to know my sub. I can’t do this properly without a mental connection and that circles back to this. The mindfuck. What is the mindfuck? To quote Peter Masters, “the mindfuck commonly involves a top or dominant manipulating the perception and experience of a bottom or submissive to induce fear or apprehension.” The best mindfucking comes from deep trust and consent. I would say that consent should be obvious.

A great example and personal favorite of mine works as follows: The sub has acted out in a manner that is befitting a punishment. She knew she fucked up. She told me her mistake, as was expected per our arrangement, and I’ve now told her that when she gets home she’s going to have the punishment she absolutely hates the most waiting for her when she gets home. She arrives and sees the cane is laying out (I’ve been obsessing about the cane today) as wells as her cuffs and blindfold. She is the blindfolded, positioned properly and then I slowly drag the cane across her ass. I quickly and quietly place the cane back down and grab the flogger instead. It’s all about getting into her headspace, understanding how she thinks, acts and feels, preparing her for one thing and then shattering that expected reality.

Maintaining submission, huh? You make it sound like it’s supposed to be work. In truth, it is. Just like in a vanilla relationship, it takes work. It’s a circle. You’re the Dominant and need to assert your Dominance. She is submissive and wants, even needs to submit. At any point in time that her needs aren’t being met, you need to stop and readdress those needs. It’s fluid. Dynamics can and sometimes should evolve. That’s not saying your needs don’t matter. They most definitely do, as always communication is the key here. It behooves you as Dominant and as the leader of your dynamic to satiate her as you satisfy your own needs. One should not be had without the other. As in any relationship, it should be give and take.

Before I wrap up tonight, I want to address something that came up when this discussion was originally ongoing in the group I was participating with. Old Guard vs. new age. Now I’m not talking Old Guard vs. TNG. I’m talking the inexperienced new, often fake, Dominants that WILL wind up causing serious harm to their submissive. It is a disgusting and abhorrent trend that these Doms are not researching their corporal punishments. To the subs, this will eventually put you in the hospital. I’ve been was called out for testing caning on myself. Again to the subs, which would you rather have, a Dom that has researched caning to such an extent that he or she has not only read and watched everything they could have and actually tested the cane on themselves or a Dom that saw a cane for sale at the Lion’s Den or Cirilla’s and thought it would be a fun time tonight?

Remember: Research. Ask questions. Research some more. Maintain your control and dominance. You need it. She needs it. As always: Play safe. Play sane. Play consensually.

4 thoughts on “30 Days of Dominance: Day 7

  1. For me as a sub, and as a red-blooded woman really, it’s all about the mind. I’ve often said that I could probably be talked into orgasm quicker than I could be touched to it. Having a Dom who understands the way your kind works is more powerful than words can describe. If you wanted to physically force me into doing something, you’d be lucky if you were successful, I’m not especially strong, but I’m as stubborn as they come. But get in my head? Make me believe that your control is inescapable because it’s part of me? I’m done. Mr Strange is scarily intelligent and very good at wielding this particular skill 😏

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Punishments does not have to be corporal punishment. The one and only time I got punished was when I disobeyed an order and ended up hurting myself. Dad’s go to punishment is not really spanking…he withheld hugs from me for one day and had me alert him whenever I had the urge to hug him. We’d talk every time my urge came about, but no hugs. It was devastating to me because I seek comfort from his bear hugs. Needless to say I learned my lesson. I got lots of hugs later, but still…

    Liked by 1 person

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