Today’s discussion topics: Is sexual availability, having your submissive partner/s sexually available to you at any time and in any manner you choose, part of your expectations as a Dominant? Why or why not? Are there acceptable limits to this? If so, what are they?
For me, sex and BDSM are tightly interwoven. BDSM is a dark romance of intimately knowing my submissive, knowing what makes her tick, knowing what she needs, meeting those needs and satiating my own. That’s not to say I always fuck or make love at the end of a scene, during a scene or even administer love in aftercare. Sometimes the scene takes just as heavy of a toll on the Dominant as the submissive. The act of Dominance is arousing and the sadism… oh, the delicious sadism can really get the juices flowing. Hell, just thinking about a good ol’ bare-handed spanking is enough to get the old Wolf riled. As I don’t do play partners or even kinky friends with benefits, sex with my partner submissive is necessary. Accordingly once fully entered into a D/s dynamic, I expect to be able to take her however I want, when I want, in the manner that I want. This will have been something clearly negotiated (there’s that word again) and expectations outlined. Can my submissive say no? Absolutely. Her body, my temple. Consent can be revoked at anytime. She may have underlying trauma and it may need to be gently tended to and addressed, things taken slow, and that’s okay too. There are caveats for almost every rule.
Being the Dominant in a Taken in Hand domestic discipline relationship, I expect every sexual need of mine to be satisfied. Every single one. Here’s the catch though, and pay attention, in a Taken in Hand relationship, I am equally responsible for satiating her needs as well. Every single one. There are some hard limits in this regard for me, as I am sure there would be for her. I’m not polyamorous and I do not share. Her pussy is my pussy. That said, you better believe if she’s wanting some double penetration tonight, I’m getting a toy, doing some light cardio, stretching and grabbing a Gatorade beforehand. It’s gonna be a long night and I’m going to have to be at the top of my game.
Are there limits? Well, yeah. It’s only natural. Everyone has them. Hell, I just mentioned two I have. As we explore and delve deeper into the relationship, go further down the rabbit hole, I even expect to find new ones. It’s okay. That’s going to happen. We’ll address the new limits, new triggers and emotions all associated with them and adjust the structure, contract and my care as needed. Our rules are created as a living document, not something etched in stone.
With that, play safe. Play sane. Play consensual. Talk to each other. Explore. Communicate.