30 Days of Dominance: Day 26

Qualities in a Prospective Submissive

Today’s discussion questions: What are the qualities that you seek in a submissive partner? Are there qualities which you consider ‘must haves’ or ‘must not haves’? If so, what are they and for what reasons are they ‘must haves’ or ‘must not haves’?

To recap my Day Two discussion: As to what I look for in a submissive, we must first go my needs and what I look for in a woman. I’ve reached a state in my life that I no longer look for play partners or friends with benefits. It’s against my needs and wants and I refuse to participate in the current hook-up generation and mentality. I need a baseline attraction. Usually, it starts with the face. Almost all women, I have come to learn have a feature or characteristic that I can find myself attracted to, but she has to have a pretty face. After all, we see with our eyes. Without a baseline attraction, nothing more can happen. This isn’t being shallow, this is having my aesthetic needs met. I would not expect to get far into the vetting process without having met her aesthetic needs, so it’s only natural. So, let’s say she has an amazing smile and bright eyes. What man can turn down a woman with great eyes and a knee-weakening smile? From there, I want to devour her personality and intellect. I will take time getting to know her. This process can take time, in the lifestyle this is part of vetting. I want to know how she thinks, why she thinks the way she does, what makes her smile and what raises her ire. I want to know every intimate detail of what makes her tick and in taking the time to do so will further enable me as a Dominant to satiate and satisfy her mental needs later. 

Why the focus on personality? Because of what I want. I am looking for something lasting, hoping for something that turns into forever. We’re going to get old. We’re going to go grey. Parts of us are going to sag. We’re going to wrinkle and get wrinkles on those wrinkles. As we age, I will remember the young and vibrant woman I fell in love with and hold on to those memories as our bodies begin to fail. A good personality then, will age like a good whiskey or wine. As it ages, she will develop a broader depth of character, a more robust taste and maybe even acquire new notes of flavor. A bad personality will sour and turn bitter. Like an old vinegar hidden and away and forgotten about in the cupboard, covered in so much dust that nobody wants to touch it.

Beyond that we move into the realm of traits and characteristics. She must be compassionate. Her emotional neediness must match mine. My three Languages of Love are Quality Time, Touch, and Words of Affirmation and her’s should include Touch at the minimum. She must crave physical affection as much as I do. She should be intelligent. She should know the difference between being a brat and bratting. One has value and other does not. She should be able to be a smart-ass. She should love learning as much as I do. She should be able to forgive. She should be quick to laugh and hard to anger.

She must never lie to me, the quickest way to lose my interest is to be dishonest. Dishonesty is a near unforgivable sin in my eyes. She should never be cruel or spiteful. She should strive to never be emotionally distant. She shouldn’t hold grudges. 

More from Day 2: As to the type of submissive I’m looking for, I’d have to say I’m open to just about anything outside of a slave. I have no desire to be a Master. My ideal sub would be an amalgamation of the following submissive archetypes: service submissive, little, SAM (smart-ass masochist), “My Daddy is God”, and romantic. I’m not going to take the time to define the archetypes. With experience and or research, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

The reasons why I have my must’s and must not’s is from experience and life lessons learned. From watching my parents, friends and my own relationships rise and fall, I’ve gained a huge amount of insight as to what does and does not work for me. Yes, most of these are like dating requirements, but like I said, I’m chasing forever, not just this moment.

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