30 Days of Dominance: Day 28

Failures and Lessons Learned

Today’s discussion questions: Has your Dominance ever failed you? Have you ever been criticized or received negative feedback for your Dominance? Have you ever regretted your actions or emotions as a Dominant either in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and, if so, what lessons did you learn and how did you apply them?

My Dominance has never failed me. I would say that I, however, have failed it. Allowing my dynamic to drop with my ex-wife has to be one of the biggest mistakes I allowed to be made in our marriage. It is one of many lessons that I’ve taken to heart. While we may not have been great for each other, at least we both walked away with those hard lessons learned. To paraphrase something she recently said to me, we held each other up through some of the roughest and toughest times either of us had known, and while we may not have been perfect for each other, we did succeed in preparing each other for our separate futures. Whatever paths she treads, I hope she finds them peaceful and favorable.

I’ve never gotten negative feedback for my Dominance until I emerged into the online community. My approach has been called weak and soft. I’ve even been accused of being a submissive for insisting on the merits of self-testing. I’ve said then and I’ll say it again, if you don’t self-test, you’re going to put your submissive in the hospital. As to the weak and soft statements, I don’t even feel the need to address them. Anyone who has read my editorials, essays or discussions on corporal and mental punishments knows that I’m a strict, yet loving, sadist. My unwavering words and actions more than speak for themselves.

I can honestly say that the only cause I’ve had to regret regarding my Dominance was my previous marriage. We all make mistakes. Unless we acknowledge them and address them, they will be repeated too, so it behooves us to look back and reflect if we are to grow and learn. If you’re entering into a dynamic and romantic relationship, learn from my mistake, do not let the dynamic drop. Communicate with each other and listen, let me repeat that again, listen to each other’s needs.

Regarding mistakes, I’ve definitely made some. Outside of not putting a moratorium date on breaks, I’ve forgotten to lead by example. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. I think we would all do well to remember that. I have jumped the gun when I was a younger Dom thinking I was ready for a scene before we actually were. It is paramount that if you don’t understand all of the risks or have the practical knowledge in something advanced, you do more research or take classes. As a Dominant, it is my job to protect, lead and guide and it’s something I’ve come to appreciate more and with the more experience I have gained.

I am very vocal with vetting, and as we entered the negotiation phase and consideration phase of our relationship with my current submissive, we ensure our needs were brought out and addressed. There are exhaustive lists of kinks/fetishes online. My favorite is hosted by Latches and they would be discussed, hard and soft limits established, as well as possible interests and our experience, if applicable, with them. Our common ground should be extensive and that’s very important to me. She has awoken a beast that has slumbered for too long and I love her for it.

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