Alternative Love Languages: Sadism

/ Stormrolfr

Perceptions from a Daddy Dom

Perceptions from a Daddy Dom are essays, instruction pieces, and sometimes rants. I write and even text, like I talk in real life and I’m here today speaking from the heart. I offer my opinions and insight that I have gained from fifteen years of experience and through trial and error. When I offer insight, it is from the mindset of my Dominant philosophy, which is primarily that of Daddy Dom. I use the pronouns I am comfortable with, but please swap your pronouns where you feel comfortable. The lifestyle welcomes all of you. Welcome to Wonderland.

For the masochist, sadism is a love language. Through giving and receiving pain, we will speak love. You meet her very real need for corporal punishment and play through expressing your sadism. 

In expressing my sadism, I first need to know my masochist. I will explore every inch of her mind and her body before I ever let her meet my sadist. I will understand what she needs, why she needs it and gain understanding of her wants and desires. I will know her limits and respect them and be ever mindful of her safeword. I will explore her tender flesh. Every freckle, mole, beauty mark, scar and/or blemish will be committed to memory. I will trail my fingertips across her skin and kiss every delicious part of her. I will devour her deliberately and thoroughly, mind and body. 

I will speak love to her by planning the scene carefully and thoughtfully. I will pour over books, blogs and articles learning the how to’s, the risks and then practice my skills. I will be exact and methodical in methods. I will master the skill set and be proficient in it’s craft. I will prepare myself mentally for the scene ahead and ensure that I am present and in clear mind.

I need to express my sadism just as much as she needs to express her masochism. We will speak love, not with words during these scenes, but with thuddy smack and stinging lash. Her flesh will glow and bruise and my mark will speak to both of us, validating both of our very real and primal needs.

In expressing my sadism, I validate her wants and needs. Through barehand, flog, cane, hair brush or whatever other wonderful toy my deviant mind selects, I will mark her as Mine. She will feel my love through brutal affection. I will tend to her and be mindful of her responses as she transcends into subspace. I will be diligent in both care and affection in aftercare. I will reaffirm she was good, did good and she is perfect in every way, is loved and is totally and completely owned by Daddy.

It is important to focus on aftercare as much as planning the scene. Before play begins, I will have medical supplies, gatorade and water, snacks, stuffies and blankies all at the ready so if she drops, she will not have the additional panic or anxiety of wondering where I’ve gone or what’s taking so long. As I tended to her in the scene, I will tend to her in aftercare. I will be diligent, attentive and loving.

In speaking love back to sadism as the masochist, make sure you are tending to your sadist, especially if he drops. Dom Drop can be crippling. They can doubt the very core of their existence as the emotions fade, or in the case of new sadists, they see the welts and bruises they’ve inflicted. Remind them that you need their sadism. Remind them that you consented and you feel loved through their attention and that you needed this too. Reaffirm them and their actions.

16 thoughts on “Alternative Love Languages: Sadism”

    • This deserves it’s own essay, but we can discuss it here too. First let’s define a few terms. Domspace is an intense altered state of consciousness, much like subspace. Doms can reach the same highs as their submissives. Despite how high the Dominant flies, he needs to keep a tight reign on Domspace. You can’t lose yourself and need to monitor your sub as she flies through subspace incase she because unresponsive/nonverbal. When the Dom comes down, the crash can be just as bad as sub drop.

      Dom drop can be caused by the following:
      – The draining of all the feel-good endorphins and adrenaline post scene.
      – Blood sugar drop after play.
      – Reconciliation of actions (seeing the results of play)
      – Mental and physical exhaustion.

      Signs of Dom drop:
      – Pushing the sub away.
      – Anxiety and/or depression.
      – Retreating inwards.
      – Restlessness.
      – Fear of losing the sub.

      Preventing Dom Drop is making sure your Dom receives aftercare as well. I’ve said over and over and over again our relationships are symbiotic. We must care for each other as your other half cares for you.

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  2. Thank you for this, the aspect of Dom drop is little talked about. I will be reading this post to my partner later when he facetimes with me. Perhaps hearing it explained like this from another Dom will make more sense to him. Excellent post Sir! 🙂

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      • If I can ever successfully get him to talk about his feelings on this openly, I will gladly pass on your information to him. He is a closed book on this one and I tend to treat his withdrawal and subsequent drop, physically, I show him rather than talk to him, I give him what he needs in a nonverbal manner until he comes back to me. It works, we feed each others needs but I know it costs him dearly.

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      • I struggled with my sadism in my early days exploring the lifestyle. I was raised as a Southern gentleman and as super conservative Apostolic Christian boy. It took many years to undo the parts of that upbringing that conflicted with my true self and to consolidate my separate identities/needs. I understand innately the need to retreat. I hope he’s able to bring his two warring sides together.

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      • Thank you Storm, he does, but it takes time and patience from both of us to bring him back together. He is getting better at dealing with it, but it creeps up and blindsides us occasionally. We work it out though, and then we do it all again… 🙂 It’s the nature of the beast. 🙂

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  3. Every time I think your writing can’t get anymore real, more elegant or poignant it does. Your attention to the details of preparing scenes, the implications of what will be experienced by your sub, even how your intentions will be translated into your actions in the exchange are so moving, so erotic. What a beautiful piece. Thank you.

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