Negotiation is a Fancy Word for Talking

People read the word “negotiation” and imagine some sort of back and forth thing around a table in a formal way. It can be that, sure, but mostly it’s just the conversation you have to figure out what kind of D/s relationship you want for yourself. Submissives have the right to, and should, ask why a rule/task/ritual is being put in place and both sides should have the freedom to disagree, suggest other things, and make sure their needs are being met.

Negotiations aren’t a one time thing either. You’ll come back to this over and over again in your relationship. Will you have a contract? Do you need a checklist? What exactly does a negotiation sound like? 

I’ve not done a contract in a long time. My rules are typically written in such a manner that I don’t feel like we need one. If my little girl were to ever ask for a contract, I would have no problem getting one drawn together. Anything to support her and make her feel more supported and secure.

I do use a checklist. I use the checklist from Latches. I keep detailed notes on the kinks that matter, i.e., hard limits, soft limits, trauma limits and anything else noteworthy. Going through Latches’ checklist usually sparks further conversation as well, which is delightful, in my opinion. You get to see how her mind works, sometimes see why she likes thing and can talk about a lot of topics related to the kink in the checklist.

For me, negotiation is conversation. It’s not some rigid thing. It’s two people taking the time and forethought to consider and appreciate what the other needs. It is an open dialogue and can be done at anytime. I’ve said before that my rules are fluid and we can re-enter negotiation as the needs arise.