How Will You Handle Conflict in D/s?

No matter how great a relationship may be, conflict, disagreements, and arguments will happen.

How do you handle conflict now? How do you imagine handling it in D/s? What do you think you’ll need to do differently in a D/s relationship?

This used to be something I prided myself in: The great negotiator and the guy who could compromise with just about anything that could come up. I do still maintain that if two people want something bad enough, they will move mountains to make it work, but I have learned more about myself since my last ex-wife and it’s not all good. In previous conversations I’ve talked about my warzone response. I automatically drop into a defensive stance and prepare for the bareknuckle boxing match of the century anytime there is conflict in my relationship. This bothers me so incredibly much because before the narcissist, I was never like that. It is something that I am addressing, working through and something I hope to eventually be done with.

In so far as resolving conflict in D/s, I’ve have clarified this in her rules. As her Dominant, I lead the relationship. That means that taking the reigns and traveling through conflict resolution is my responsibility. She can always come to me with concerns or worries. We will talk about them as partners in D/s and handle whatever pops up like adults. It takes both partners entering conflict resolution to want to find resolution, however. If one is still belligerent, there won’t be a middle ground reached. It would be better to reconvene with cooler heads. It’s not different to me than handling conflict in a vanilla relationship. Just because I am her Dominant does dismiss her feelings or automatically dodge conflict. D/s relationships require just as much work, if not more, than a vanilla relationship. The levels of trust and intimacy that are built up, established and maintained take effort. Together, our labor of love is a effort made easier for we are not doing it alone. We are two minds joined together. Through patience, love and understanding, we are able to reach compromises and understandings that do not invalidate or silence the other.

2 thoughts on “How Will You Handle Conflict in D/s?

  1. Funny you wrote this post… had a misunderstanding on my part and was mad at Dad. But instead of saying “Fine” this time, I was able to blurt out my assumptions. He was able to clarify his intentions and I am a lot less grumpy now. Still unhappy in some way, but not grumpy.

    Glad you two made the commitment to overcome hurdles and improve your relationship. =)

    Liked by 1 person

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