The number one factor in whether your D/s relationship will succeed or fail is communication. Without it, you can’t build or keep trust, you can’t negotiate your kinks, and you can’t deal with problems. So it’s worth thinking about how you communicate and what’s important to you. It’s a big topic, so let’s start here:
What is your communication style? What happens when you try to communicate your thoughts or needs?
Having been in the corporate world for a while and have had to take enough of theses communication tests, I can tell you that I blend a combination of aggressive, assertive and conscientious communication styles into what works for me. I am often times inappropriately honest, direct, expressive, self-enhancing, self-confident, systematic, logical, reserved, process-oriented, and risk-averse when approaching communication. I do not understand emotionally dishonesty, indirect communication, self-denying, or blaming communication styles. I miss a lot of coyness and flirting as well. My brain functions at such a logical and precise level, I often mistake coyness and flirting as matter of fact, simple kindness and this has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past.
I have become more and more vocal about my thoughts and needs the older I get. I am unwilling to compromise on key points of who I am and what I want. You can either board this train or find another, but we are in fact going this way and there are no detours. I have found in life that people either love or hate me and there is no middle ground. I struggled with this a lot growing up as a teenager, seeking the approval and acceptance of my peers. Eventually, I realized they were more caught up in then and now and I was already looking to my future.
I remember in our senior year of high school doing a time capsule we were supposed to open at our tenth anniversary reunion, which I did not go to despite the insistence from some of my old acquaintances. They became persistent which started to frustrate me and I had to remind them I didn’t like them then and I didn’t see that changing over the course of ten years, inappropriate honesty at it’s finest. Tangent aside, in this time capsule, we were supposed to write where we saw ourselves in ten years and what we wanted to accomplish. I was so self aware, even then, I wrote work in the game industry, meet a girl, get married, get divorced, have a kid. I had completed all of those by the age of twenty-five and in order.
Being able to communicate is one of my better strengths. I have always been very vocal. I don’t know if it’s being ISTJ or a Sagittarius, but I’ve always been able to be clear and upfront about my needs. I didn’t figure out listening until later in life, something I much regret in the here and now.