Safewords are the words or phrases we use in a kinky scene or while having sex to stop everything. Some people don’t want a safeword. We strongly suggest using a safeword when you’re in a new relationship or trying a new kink, but they’re not the only way to be safe either.
So, the question today is, what’s your safeword? If you don’t want to have one, why not?
I’m a big fan of the stop light system. It lets me know where we’re at in a scene. Green: Everything is good. Keep doing what you’re doing. This is right. Yellow: Unsure. Getting close to slow to needing to stop. Slow down. Red: Stop. Full stop. Stop everything right now.
The Wolf in the Night Sky 
Daddy and I use the stoplight system as well. Sir gave me the safe word “shield” when we first started getting to know one another. I am a believer in safe words, even if one never really needs them.
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100%. Use them or don’t, but at least have them.
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My Dom and I have decided that I won’t be able to use a safe word to avoid punishments. I have always been so conflicted about the ability to use a safe word to avoid punishment as it is, in effect, withdrawing his control. It feels like a breach of the power exchange. The agreement we have is that I will beg mercy if a punishment gets to be too much. My Dom is very measured and doesn’t act in anger and so this feels safe to me.
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Safewording out of punishments is a big red flag for me.
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What is the red flag. The ability to avoid punishment
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Safewording repeatedly to get out of punishment. It’s a red flag on a lot of fake sub lists. Every once in a while, that’s understandable. All the time, not so much.
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That is what I thought you meant. Thanks for the clarification.
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Of course.
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The red flag is not having a safe word to end punishment or using the safe word to avoid punishment? Could you elaborate?
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I’d never thought of using a stoplight system but it sounds pretty logical actually. May have to suggest it.
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That’s why I like it!
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I think of a safeword like a fire extinguisher – no one expects the house to catch fire but it sure is good to have one if it does!
As a person with chronic pain and other issues I have learned that a safe word out of punishment is also not a red flag, it may simply be an emergency invisible to the naked eye.
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What a good analogy. And I can see the safeword thing. I too deal with chronic pain. It all goes into knowing your partner.
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