Maintaining D/s When You’re Apart

Long distance relationships, trips without your partner, simply not living together – it all adds up to one thing: being D/s even when you’re not together. The solution you find for your relationship will be specific to you and to your circumstances, but if you’re already living through a long distance relationship or you think you might one day, it’s good to think about how to make it work when you’re apart.

Long distance relationships are hard. Maintaining a D/s and a long distance relationship is even harder. Why then do so many people, yours truly included, find themselves at this point? For me, I am unwilling to settle. I settled with my second wife and despite promising myself I wouldn’t do it again, I settled with my third. The last one is really a hindsight kind of awareness, but it doesn’t change the fact that I actually settled with her. In my unwillingness to settle, I have become aware that generally speaking, I will not find what I want easily. I was prepared to cast my net wide to look for my fish, but in all honesty, I did not find her, Bunny found me.

We met in a FB group. She was doing a 30 Days of Littlespace discussion and I had posted up as a discussion topic one of my answers from 30 Days of Dominance and she asked if for the link to the discussion prompts in the comments. I went to PM her, per her request which is the etiquette in good groups, but opened profile instead by misclicking. “Well,” I thought to myself, “We’re already here. What’s the harm in snooping around?” Right away, I was drawn to her cover image. It was something she had made with her art. It was a girl in a dinosaur onesie stomping around, holding a t-rex stuffie and it said, “just a girl who loves dinosaurs.” The second thing that made me want to know to get know her was a post asking what she should name her reaper, a recent acquisition for her on Ark. I was immediately enthralled. It isn’t often you get to meet people that play Ark outside of interacting with them in Ark. I decided right then and there, I would do my best to be her friend. After all, I wasn’t looking for anything more and what would be the worst that could happen? She didn’t want to be my friend? These were acceptable terms. After sending the link, we began to talk about Ark and dinosaurs.

Not Bunny’s picture, but a picture none the less. Now you know what a reaper looks like.

The rest for us, is history. We’ve had some ups and downs, but I wouldn’t trade my dynamic, or my relationship with her, for the world. But how do we maintain our D/s in long distance? The best tool that we are currently utilizing is the Obedience app. For those of you that are unfamiliar, it it a task tracking app that awards points for completing tasks that are set by the Dominant. Rewards are set as well. The app goes so far in depth that I can adjust points based on frequency, being able to complete tasks more than once, point multipliers for, giving no points at all, to even sending a well done message when completed. Obedience works for us. Mainly, in my opinion, because it gives Bunny a visual reminder and the app can be set with reminders for her. Bunny is first and foremost a good girl. If something is in the rules in regards to tasks, she wants to complete the tasks. This makes managing her easy and if she misses as task, we talk about it. Sometimes the app bugs out and doesn’t track them correctly.

Sample image from the Obedience app website.

Bunny and I maintain near constant communication. It may be 15-20 minutes between messages sometimes, but I make myself constantly available for her. This helps both of us. Communication is really big for me and is something we struggled with in the beginning, but we’ve ironed ourselves out and have developed a solid routine that works for us.

I’ve also recently started asking if there is more I could be doing for her and will continue this check-in on a monthly basis. This serves two purposes. One, it helps me battle complacency on my end. It ensures, for me, that I’m staying present and am making sure I am meeting her needs just as much as she is meeting mine. Secondly, it helps me dial in more to her and her needs. If I’ve dropped the ball or she needs something more, it makes sure I am managing our relationship to the best of our capabilities/limitations.

4 thoughts on “Maintaining D/s When You’re Apart

  1. I really enjoyed reading about how you and Bunny maintain your D/s relationship long distance! I have read others posts about people utilizing the Obedience app. My Dynamic with Sir is long-distance as well. We start our day together each morning with an hour long messaging session or phone call, depending on Sir’s schedule. I then have an hour after that call to get my To-Do list prepared for him (we use the app This app allows me to upload all of my tasks for the day and then Sir can add to it as he sees fit. He can also track my progress, and it is a place where I can list my meetings as well, so he knows times that I am unavailable to him. We just recently began to incorporate Zoom and I am looking forward to more of that. Thank goodness for technology!!! XOXO

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