New Roads with New and Old Friends

This week has been incredibly rough. I am a creature of habit. In breaking contact with Bunny, outside of the emotional impact, my routine has been shattered. I deleted all of Bunny’s pictures, took her off of Obedience and the last real struggles, was taking her task and medication reminders out of my phone and then removing her as my wallpapers on my phone. It, friends, has been an awful adjustment.

Thankfully, my dearest friend Emma stepped up to the plate immediately. While she doesn’t appreciate fully the lifestyle, she at least tries to understand it and knew of my problems with Bunny well before I made them public here. Her friendship and counsel has been truly invaluable. Her amazing friendship as made the world feel a little less bleak and lonely. While it is purely platonic, I assure you, I love her dearly. She is the best of people, even if she struggles to see it sometimes, and my life is made better by having her in it.

There are some other honorable mentions as well: Cassie, with her no nonsense, matter of factness and undying loyalty; and Joe, with his relaxed, “I’m here for you, man” beer and pizza mentality. These three wonderful people have made sure that I’m actually coping and not holed up in my apartment buried in despair.

There are some new friends I’ve made this week too. I wasn’t ready to announce in group yet, but it came up and was addressed. The actual support was amazing. I didn’t think that many people cared. It definitely made me feel noticed, appreciated and a little uncomfortable. I don’t like the spotlight shined upon my personal life, but I guess when I write what I do, a little bit of recognition in the community is appreciated, if uncomfortable.

I still miss her. It took everything I had not to message her this week. I know me though. At least there’s that. The first time she expressed even perceived remorse, I probably have considered taking her back and after three attempts with the same unresolved issues, I just can’t. I can’t do it and there is a part of me that feels guilty for having to establish that boundary.

I did manage to get out of the house this week for a few hours. Not wanting my usual company for such outings, I did get in some range therapy. The reverberations and smell of gunpowder is intoxicating. Maybe next weekend I’ll hit up the cigar bar and get a good whiskey. We’ll see. One step at a time.

6 thoughts on “New Roads with New and Old Friends

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