Thoughts on Self Dominance and Fixing Yourself

In counseling a dear friend of mine after the loss of her D/s, I found myself more than frustrated with her Dom. I won’t go into her personal details, but I do want to address something that I’ve seen a few times and want share with you some of my own story. You, as a Dominant, cannot be responsible for another if you are first not responsible for yourself. You cannot expect one to submit if your house isn’t in order. You cannot guide if you yourself are lost.

After seven years with TMLB, I was damaged. I was a shell of who I was before I met her. She left me desolate and at the end of my rope. I considered leaving the lifestyle permanently. While I weighed that thought on my mind, I sought help. I got counseling. I did a massive ton of work. From trauma counseling to inner child work, I tackled a lot of baggage and uncomfortable things in order to heal myself. Once I dealt with all of that, there were still issues that cropped up from being in an unhealthy D/s and then a healthy one. I suspect as our growing dynamic ages, there will be more ugly things that raise their head from time to time from dealing with a narcissist for so long. It is my job to slay my own demons, not hers. Will I lean on her from time to time? Absolutely. We’re in a romantic power exchange D/s. I will not, however, trauma dump on her and take my issues out on her. This is was something she was well aware of when we were vetting.

It’s okay to be lost. We as D-types aren’t infallible gods. We can get hurt too. We’re human. Take care of yourself and mend and make sure you’re ready before taking on a new submissive. If that means getting some therapy and buckling down for a bit, by all means do that. Take care of yourself. Find yourself again. Find renewed vigor in the healing and get ready to seize the day. The road to recovery can be a long one, but self-discovery and healing is worth it.

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