Perceptions from a Daddy Dom are essays, instruction pieces, and sometimes rants. I write and even text, like I talk in real life and I’m here today speaking from the heart. I offer my opinions and insight that I have gained from fifteen years of experience and through trial and error. When I offer insight, it is from the mindset of my Dominant philosophy, which is primarily that of Daddy Dom. I use the pronouns I am comfortable with, but please swap your pronouns where you feel comfortable. The lifestyle welcomes all of you. Welcome to Wonderland.
First, we’re going to have to lay out some definitions and then we’ll move on to the core of what I believe and my approach to an older domestic discipline. This is how I chose to approach it. It will not be for everyone and that’s okay. If you’re interested in Taken in Hand, use what works for you.
A good definition of Taken in Hand can be found on SpankingArt.org. “Taken In Hand (TiH) relationships are a consensually male-led exclusive monogamous heterosexual relationship in which the man’s control is real and for the purpose of creating a deeply connected, fully engaged relationship with a white-hot sexual connection. In a TiH relationship, the man is the head of household. The woman is Taken In Hand. How the man expresses his leadership is an individual matter, but it is for the benefit of the relationship rather than being purely self-serving. The Taken In Hand man protects and cherishes the woman he leads. The Taken In Hand woman responds positively to her man’s authority and leadership.”
Redefining this explanation, we can work with the following and modernize it to a DDlg mindset: Taken In Hand relationships are a consensually Daddy-led relationship in which the Daddy’s control is real and for the purpose of creating a deeply connected, fully engaged relationship with a white-hot sexual connection. In a Taken In Hand relationship, the Daddy is the head of household. The little is Taken In Hand. How the Daddy expresses his leadership is an individual matter, but it is for the benefit of the relationship rather than being purely self-serving. The Taken In Hand Daddy protects and cherishes the little he leads. The Taken In Hand little responds positively to her Daddy’s authority and leadership.
Alright, with that definition in hand, let’s start breaking this down in depth.
Taken In Hand relationships are a consensually Daddy-led relationship in which the Daddy’s control is real. Consent, if you don’t know what consent is at this point in my blog, I don’t know why you’re here, if we’re going to be completely honest with each other. Without consent, literally none of this can happen. Moving on. A Daddy-led relationship: Daddy is the boss. He’s the caretaker, provider and Dominant. My whole approach with TiH is to make sure that every single aspect of my little’s needs are accounted for, provided for and fulfilled. As the Daddy, is is my job to make sure these needs are being met. Be they her submissive needs, her little needs, her emotional needs, or sexual needs.
Using my last sub as my example here, she was a service submissive, a little, a masochist and demisexual. I was therefore responsible in making sure she feels safe and secure in her submission, safe in her littlespace, providing for the needs of her little, her needs as a masochist and the emotional bonds between us. This isn’t done selflessly. I need to feel needed. I need to provide structure. I need to feel secure in the structure I provide. Through my structure and guidance, I ensure both of our needs are being met. Our relationship is purely symbiotic. If one is struggling, the other struggles too. I am accountable to her. If her needs aren’t being met, then mine aren’t either. On the flip side, she provided for my needs: my emotional, Dominant, sadist and sexual needs are all satiated through her.
A deeply connected, fully engaged relationship. It is worth learning your love languages and your partner’s love languages. I cannot tell you how easy this makes our relationship when speaking love to one another. If you don’t have the same love languages as your partner, learn to speak and understand theirs and teach them how to speak and understand yours. I promise you it’s worth the time and effort. Check in with your partner. Ask them how they’re doing, what’s going on in their world, and if they struggle with communication, have them journal their thoughts and feelings. Communication is key and one of the pillars of BDSM. Without communication, you can’t have trust, honesty or respect. Ask your partner what more you can do to meet their needs. This doesn’t have to be an all the time thing, but make it a regular check in. Fight complacency. Complacency kills relationships.
A white-hot sexual connection. In TiH, it is my role to fully ravish her and not solely to my benefit, though I assure you that’s there too. I will know I have done my job adequately and thoroughly when I have taken her ability to walk. As she lies there, in a quivering heap, riding the waves of subspace and bliss, I will be striding through my own Daddy Domspace and euphoria.
The Daddy is the head of household. As mentioned before, Daddy is the boss. He leads the dynamic and the relationship. The Daddy exercises his authority through consensual power exchange. The little trusts Daddy to make the decisions for her, to support her and her goals. The Daddy ensures the house stays at peace and is a safe place for both partners. As the Daddy, I am the decision maker, though I do consult and take my little’s thoughts, opinions and feelings into consideration with all things. She is my partner and equal in value, not a doormat. I will take full account of her needs and often place them above my own, but not neglect my needs either. Being a Daddy Dom is often service Dominance to my little in a lot of ways, especially in TiH, but in return I expect her respect, love, support, devotion and submission. If she is a service submissive, I will assign her household tasks to complete. She is not my slave. I will assist her in running the house, but if it is something she enjoys doing and finds fulfillment in, I will leave a majority of the housework for her and assist her when asked outside of tasks I have already accepted as my responsibility.
The little is Taken In Hand. From the structure we negotiate, to the rules negotiated and created for her needs, the little looks to Daddy for guidance and leadership. This can include what she wears for the day, to panty selection, to her daily tasks, affirmations and routines. Literally and figuratively, he will take her by the hand and lead her and the dynamic. I will support her in all things. From daily aspirations to life goals, I will push and do my best to inspire her to succeed.
The Daddy expresses his leadership for the benefit of the relationship rather than being purely self-serving. Accountability is something not often discussed in D/s. As in any D/s dynamic the Dominant should strive for consistency as much as possible and uphold his little. In providing guidance, leadership, rules and structure, I get to feel needed and wanted, loved and adored. If I’m not providing the structure, attentiveness, caregiving and Dominance she needs, she can feel abandoned, unappreciated, and even unloved. It is through consistency that we maintain those ties. We speak our complimentary love languages to each other through acts of service, words of affirmations, quality time and even sadism and masochism.
The Taken In Hand Daddy protects and cherishes the little he leads. This isn’t going to go where you think it’s going and you can’t see the wry smile on my face as I contemplate the words and put fingers to keyboard. It isn’t often I tell her no. When I do, it is to protect her. It isn’t out of some misplaced domineering need to be the boss, it is as her caregiver and loving Dominant.
This part won’t be for everyone and I respect that. In your country or due to your personal beliefs, you may disagree heavily with what I’m about to lay out. I am pagan, heavily heathen, a moderate centrist and a red-blooded American. Accordingly, I do believe in practicing my Second Amendment rights. I have taken several safety classes, training courses and go to the range regularly. I’ve participated in urban combat training and a few advanced self-defense classes. I have undergone all of this training to protect myself and my loved ones. I am not a gun-totting, swaggering Bruce Willis wannabe, but I do believe that in training, in the event of a terrible, dire circumstance, it behooves me to acquire the skills needed to protect me and mine. There is true and terrible evil in this world and while I may not be entirely a sheepdog, this Wolf will protect his submissive.
I cherish and adore my little/submissive. I will spoil her both with attention and affection. Occasionally, I may spoil her in other ways as well, such as rewards. She does not ask to be spoiled. If it is an expectation, I will have lost a lot of interest.
The Taken In Hand little responds positively to her Daddy’s authority and leadership. For many submissives, this is just ingrained into their personality. My preferred submissive is a good girl. She takes so much pride it in and in making me proud of her. In groups and on discussion boards, you can often see littles express their worry when their Daddy starts letting his authority slip. They need it and crave it just as much as we need and crave expressing it. This again ties back to love languages spoken. Even in my Alternative Love Languages essays, I go over how to speak to the caregiver and sadist through appreciation and communication. You don’t always have to speak the same or complimentary languages, but it is important to know how to speak and understand theirs. A simple thank you can go a long ways.
Taken in Hand isn’t for everyone. It isn’t for all Daddies and it isn’t for all littles. This is my approach to an old idea. I’ve intentionally left out the parts on monogamy. While I am a monogamist, I don’t feel like TiH can only be applied to monogamous relationships. At the end of the day, you will know if this appeals to you or not and if you want to take these ideas and incorporate them into your dynamic and lifestyle and that is truly the best part of this lifestyle. It’s truly a la carte. Take what works for you and discard the rest.