What Does Submission Mean to You?

Does a submissive have certain behaviors? Do submissives do specific tasks? When you think of a submissive and submission, what thoughts come to mind?

This is a harder one for me. Every submissive I’ve ever been with has been wildly different in their approach to submission to their personality. I’ve mulled these questions over since yesterday and when putting finger to keyboard, I have ideas but have been staring at the blank screen for what feels like ages. So in usual fashion when I’m stuck on what I’m trying to say, I’m going to pound this out until coherent sentences start to coalesce into something meaningful.

I don’t think there any set behaviors for a submissive. As a Dominant, I can tell you what I look for, what I find attractive or appealing and what I won’t tolerate. Key behavioral qualities I look for include creativity, curiosity, faithfulness, caring, affectionate, compassion, kindness, pleasantness, sass, how polite they are, sincerity, reflectiveness, sensitivity, and enthusiasm. My submissive will be well-behaved. She should bring peace into my life and my home. Now, that doesn’t mean she can’t be sassy. There’s nothing wrong with a some playful banter and I find it to be enjoyable. Let me see that wit. There is a big difference, however, between sassing and bratting. One is playful and the other is disrespectful. I will not tolerate a brat. If she constantly is challenging the peace of the household, challenging me, challenging the relationship and our harmony, then in my mind, she is not ready to submit and will be released.

Submissives will have different tasks varying on their dynamic. For mine, she is a service submissive and a little. We will both idealize, modernize and blend both the 1950s lifestyle and Taken in Hand domestic disciplines. Accordingly, the household is her domain. She will also be assigned tasks based on her interests and to assist me with mine. This is something we’ve negotiated and she has expressed interest in. Through task assignment as well, you can begin to set expectations through assigning research and begin training through task assignment.

When I think of submission and my submissive, I think of harmony, peace, unconditional love and acceptance. I think of acts of service as the most beautiful of love languages and regard it almost as highly as words of affirmation. She is and will be my good girl. She can come to me in her darkest hours and if I cannot provide light for her, I will at least sit with her in the darkness. As someone who walks long and dwells heavily in their own darkness, it is a comfortable place for me. I do not mind in the least being her calming voice in the dark. As much as she leans on me, I will lean on her too. She is just as much my safe place as I am hers. Together, we can accomplish anything we set our minds to do.

Love for the Unowned

Survive Being Little and Unowned

A common trend I’ve been noticing is littles finding themselves suddenly out of a dynamic, lost, confused and have no idea what to do. It’s understandable. Even if they were unhappy or in an unhealthy dynamic there was at least structure and rules in place to help them and guide them along. Suddenly they find themselves in the world left all alone and even as a Daddy Dom, the world can be a big and terrifying place. Just because you find yourself unowned doesn’t mean you can’t still provide self-care and in providing your own structure to your life, you can still find a little solace while you’re on the mend. 

If you find yourself in this dark and seemingly terrible place, you still have value. You still have worth. You’re still worthy of being loved. Take the time to breathe. I know that it’s scary. It hurts. You can’t breathe. I promise you, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s not a freight train. Sometimes the tunnel can be long and bendy, but it’s there. You’ll make it through this.

Maintain or set up a routine. Get up by a certain time, go to bed by a certain time. You may not have a Daddy to help remind you anymore, but you can still do this. According to Brad Brenner of the Therapy Group of NYC, maintaining a routine will help you cope with your anxiety, it helps combat burnout and promotes healthy lifestyle habits. Put alarms in your phone if you need help with this. A wake up alarm, a reminder to eat by noon alarm, alarms for your medicine (if applicable), bedtime alarms. Put in an alarm for whatever you need, name it and hold yourself accountable. You can do this. Even if it’s the only thing you can do, it’s a start.

Lean on your friends and community. Your friends care about you. Lean on them to weather through this storm and if you don’t have friends you can talk to about your lifestyle, lean on your community. Most of the groups are so very supportive and many know what you’re going through and a few may be going through it themselves. Whether you realize it or not, there are people who care about you. You may feel like it, but you’re not alone.

Smile. I know this one is going to be hard, I struggle with it too when I’m sad. Even if you have to fake it, when you pass by a mirror, stop and smile at yourself. A recent study by the researchers at the University of Kansas found that even if you fake a smile, it legitimately reduces stress and will lower your heart rate. Dr. Murray Grossan, an ENT-otolaryngologist in LA even says that smiling can increase your immune system. When you’re depressed your immune system is lowered. “When you smile, the brain sees the muscle [activity] and assumes that humor is happening.” Even fake smiles can help. You’re gonna get through this. And I know it sounds silly, you’ll probably feel silly doing it, I know I did until I made it a routine. You can even add daily affirmations to this routine.

Work on self-betterment. I know this probably seems like common sense, but get therapy. You don’t even have to leave your own home anymore to see a therapist. Many insurance providers now, thanks to the post-pandemic world, provide access to many online-counseling portals where you can get therapy over web meetings. Heal yourself. Everyone has at little bit of trauma by this point in our lives. Fix yours. It took a lot for me to seek out help. I started with mental health Tiktok and when I felt comfortable with that, I branched out and got an actual therapist. Learn to be happy again and you will find things falling into place in your personal life. If you want to hit the gym, hit the gym. Even if it’s just for cardio or toning, even limited exercise has been proven to impact depression, anxiety, reduce stress and help you sleep better at night. Do something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t for whatever the reason. Even if it’s something small. Go do it. Take a personal adventure and get it done. Pamper yourself. Get your nails done. Find some small thing that helps you feel better about yourself. For me, it’s the small things that matter the most.

It may not feel like it now, but I promise it’s not hopeless. Stay hopeful. You’re going to get through this. You’re going to be okay. The universe, God, the gods… whatever bigger thing you believe in has a way of bringing you what you need. It’s almost like a universal truth. Be your own positive force and good things will start to come your way. You got this. You’re going to get through it. It may not like seem like it now, but you’re going to be okay.