The Emotions of Dominance
Today’s discussion questions: What are the emotions that most directly let you access your Dominance? What feelings do they inspire?
So you’re wanting access to my headspace? You want to explore how and what I feel? Emotions have always been something I struggle with. The more complex and negative they are, the more I struggle with and dislike addressing them. It’s a part of my ADHD and alexithymia. I hope that tonight, I’ve been able to adequately express myself and peel back the curtains of some of my inner workings.
Depending on the scene I channel or access different emotions or partial emotions and mentally freeze them in place. In order to do this, I access memories and stored, compartmentalized emotions. It’s a useful ability to have in your toolbox. Not everyone can compartmentalize as well as others, but learning to be able to do it and recall what you need is an invaluable skill set in both your personal life and the lifestyle.
The cool, calm release of letting a quick flare of anger pass. The anticipation and surprise of opening an unexpected and large bonus check. The pre-relaxation state prior to getting a deep, relaxing massage. The slow-burning rage and agony over a past shortcoming. The exhilaration of reaching a new personal milestone as I max out on a power lift. The love that I bear for her. All of these feelings boil below the surface as I focus on exerting my Dominance. Just thinking about it is enough to send a shiver down my spine.
When accessing my Dominance I feel cool, relaxed and nearly intoxicated from the euphoria it releases. I feel more confident, calm and collected as I step fully into my role as her Dominant. I even feel more focused, revitalized and powerful. I feel my true, unrepressed self come to the foreground. These feelings ebb and flow throughout the expression of my Dominance, like an excited, crashing tide pounding the shoreline. I feel and take great pride in her and marvel at her trust, love, devotion and submission.
During aftercare, I’m usually mentally and emotionally drained. Physical exhaustion isn’t uncommon after a particularly difficult scene. It is not unusual for me to feel that if I were to let go, I would melt my existence into hers. I feel at peace. Any inner demons that had been roaring during the crescendo are quieted, purring quietly in contentment. It is as if we were the only two people in a quaint little caribbean shoreline cottage, our bodies curled and entwined into one another.
The emotions of what we do are powerful, intense and addictive. I give myself so completely to these feelings and to her that they overwhelm me. These are the reasons why I don’t play partners anymore. The calming chaos of it all is so totally consuming.